7 Ways to Grow a Family with Heart

The following is a post from contributing writer Colleen from Raising Lifelong Learners.

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While we never accept excuses for bad behavior, it has been a difficult few months. We?ve moved twice this year ? not too far to see friends and family ? but always a disruption to the routine, and we are trying to reestablish boundaries in a new place. Our kids have also battled some honesty issues and their ideas of right and wrong have been challenged by people outside our immediate family. This has caused heart issues from which we are struggling to recover.

As a result, I?ve taken a tighter hold of the reins and pulled the family back to focus on what?s truly important. It?s only been a few weeks, but these seven things have already made an incredible impact in healing hearts and growing bonds.

If you are struggling with heart issues inside the walls of your home, I encourage you to give them a try too:

1. Put God first. When you turn your focus upward, you really can do anything. Without His help, you?re already behind. Each morning, we gather around the table with a cup of made-from-scratch cocoa {coffee for me} and pray. We read from our Bible, complete a devotion or activity, revisit the week?s virtue and share things for which we are grateful. It makes a lovely start to the day, and gives us a chance to focus on God and family first.

2. Retreat within your home for a time. It?s important to be involved and to see other people, but God gave you your family for a reason. First and foremost, you need to love and support each other. So that means that when there is discord within the walls of your home, you need to work on it before you do anything else. Here are two things we?ve implemented to help with this:

• No playdates if siblings aren?t getting along. God gave your children siblings as companions, and if they cannot respect and honor each other, then they cannot be trusted to respect and honor friends.
• Extended family has to take a backseat to immediate family. That includes permissive grandparents, indulgent aunts and uncles, and rambunctious cousins. Parents and siblings must come first.

3. Write a family standard {or mission statement}. We had one of these posted on our kitchen wall two houses ago, but it has been missing for awhile, so we were ready to recreate it. I highly recommend you post this in a high-traffic area and refer to it often. Questions like, ?Does that behavior further our family?s mission? ?Or do you think that choice fits into our family?s standard? are great to ask. And, when you frame the correction in this way, your family?s mission statement is doing the work for you. You are no longer the bad guy. You are just reminding your child of your family?s purpose and agreeing that the behavior doesn?t fit in with it.

4. Create a simple set of consequences. If you?re like me, you are reacting in anger and threatening your children with grounding or spankings or whatever comes to mind at the time of rule-breaking. To go along with your new standards, implement a simple set of three or four consequences so you never need to think about them again. And stick with them. Make sure you always follow through so your child trusts that you will do what you say.

5. Eliminate negative influences. This has been one of the hardest things we?ve dealt with lately. We have cancelled cable television, disconnected the shared computer, packed away the handheld video games and the Wii, and have limited contact with any people that do not share our vision for family. Already we see imaginations blooming again and brothers and sisters throwing ?puppy parties? and reading to each other.

6. Bring the focus back to family. Play board games each night. Go on weekly family outings. Take each of your children on ?dates? so you can spend time talking one on one. Take a nightly walk after dinner. Whatever it takes, show your kids that they are your priority.

7. Catch good behavior. Finally, make a point of rewarding good behavior. Praise and hugs go as far, if not further, than trinkets and candy. Tell your son you appreciate the way he comforted his little sister when she fell. Say that it shows he?s developing into a great young man and you?re proud to be his mom. Hug him. Try to offer specific praise at least seven times more often than negative corrections. {Some days this will be really hard, but it?s important. Find things to praise.}

Our children and spouses are our first priority. Their siblings and parents are theirs when they?re young. Help your family see how important each is to the success and well-being of the unit. Unite with each other toward a common goal ? family love, faith, peace, and support.

Not only will the yelling and corrections go away {in time}, but you and your kids will want to be together. Peace in the family is a gift for everyone. And it?s a goal that needs to be realized first ? learning math, joining clubs and co-ops, and meeting homeschool groups at playgrounds will all run smoother and be enjoyed better when the family is strong.

Do you have other ideas for growing strong family hearts? I?d love to hear them. Comment here at The Homeschool Classroom or find me on Twitter or Facebook.

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Colleen is a Catholic wife, homeschooling mama of three, blogger, and author. She is passionate about family and education, and loves to learn alongside her children as they experiment, explore, and play in their world each day. Visit her at Raising Lifelong Learners where she chronicles the adventures {and messes} involved when homeschooling gifted children with sensory difficulties. You can learn more about her books, including her latest Free Resources for Elementary Teachers, on her website.

Source: http://www.hsclassroom.net/2012/10/7-ways-to-grow-a-family-with-heart/